Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
