you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
