??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
