he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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