all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
