My cat gives me a boner
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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