fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
