don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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