:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
