Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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