he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
