Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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