is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
