Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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