Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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