watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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