remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
