I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
