Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
vagina is talking i cant
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
