So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
