Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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