i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
