Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
