the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
