You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
