It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
