i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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