At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
