I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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