do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
