I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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