Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
