don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
