On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
