kristin has been a bad kristin
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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