Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
they need to just BURY HIM!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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