2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
