So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
