i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
