It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
