home. puking in laundry basket.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
