Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
