So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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