highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
