i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
