mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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