She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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