in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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