He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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