You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!