thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."