is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
