How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
