Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
