I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
