Umm I'm too high to move.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
