I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
