I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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