So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
