elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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