Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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