Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
