its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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