she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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