I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize