It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
