i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just pee around me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
