I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
barbara walters just said penis...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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