i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
