based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
