Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
