I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
