I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
